midnight in the cemetery a long time ago
by t. zoEy benally

i did not realize, until just now, that
cemetery was spelled with three "e"-s
grey cemetery dabbed with "e"-s, though my fingers
instinctively gravitate and pounce on the "a"

i probably knew years ago that cemetery
had those "e"-s, teachers threaten to ask
those questions, you know, when you are in their grasp
lined up in rows, much smaller desk than theirs

i don't remember how many of the words
we spoke that night had "e"-s, that night
we parked along grave marker queues
searching moon pacing the night bowl behind us

we talked irrigated corn furrows, thick mud
stuck to our tennis shoes, i am surprised
we kept our shoes and the ground kept
tomato and bell pepper roots, echo exchanges

i do recall that you couldn't convince me
that it was time to go home, that we needed sleep
that there would be other days, other conversations
a small break in the e-s, a small moment of z-s

i knew that it would end, that our conversation
would not exist beyond the dirt car tire trails
that those would be the last energy waves
disrupting air molecules, thumping my eardrums

i've been awake since four
by t. zoEy benally

it's almost 6AM now, but
i've been awake since four

adrenaline flooded veins
heart pumping from a nightmare

my son said, "there's a bee."
"shh. don't be afraid, they smell fear."

malfunctioning electronics smell
aubergine aroma of burning clutch

he pointed to where the creature was last seen
i pawed through the pile of blankets--nothing

i turned over the last blanket fold--it's always last
there it was, hunched over bright yellow and black

bzzt

bzzt

bzzt

i put fear aside, unfolded pile of laundry and concentrated
on yellow, then reached out and grabbed black

soft and fuzzy waist, i enjoyed it for a millisecond
then it started its menacing hula dance

soft wide abdominal plates shifted, contorted
geometric chitin exoskeleton puzzle

the stinger tipped abdomen curved, contorted to the right
viciously stabbed the outer side of my right thumb

i felt no pain, just paused and absorbed
yellow and black in my hand, stinger in my thumb

no wonder brother
by t. zoEy benally

no wonder i noticed
clouds, sky, geese arrows
tree branch brain storm
reflected in puddles this morning
fine silt layer settled
small jewels, cradled by mud

no wonder car lights sparkled
roadside gutters, mini canals
concrete water brightened
sunlight bent by droplets
shifted from morning white
to going home evening orange

no wonder she still loves you
despite the selfish monster
that trails you, runs it's claw
over indentations your shoes
leave in earth softened by snow melt
that jingles with stolen treasure hoard

i wonder if you'll remember brother
the tomorrows that lurk beyond
today's dark dome, realities that
tumble toward us, propel us forward
be strong, never succumb to demon fingers
prying your brain apart, grey pomegranate

one word: lightening
by t. zoEy benally

white ribbons flicked through cloud melt
girl children skip, turn, dance to giggles
unfurl lightening banners, electric streamers
untied from pigtails, ponytails, braids


small morsel for you... i'm done sleeping... not really insomnia, thank goodness, but still too early for everyone else...

just when i got my thoughts in order
by t. zoey benally

just when i got my thoughts in order
he hopped up next to me on the sidewalk
clothes damp from mist spit from tire treads
he walked next to me, kinda like the clown
during the Shiprock Fair Parade
that sped walked next to me
on my way to work, scrutinize burritos
assess the predicament of mutton stew
his hair bounced up and down crazily
"you scared me!" i said to him
he grinned and continued to keep pace
i looked at him and smiled at his antics
"i know you!" he said. "high school!"
"what's your name?" i asked
he told me his first, i finished with his last
i remembered light brown hair
girls fist fighting in the bathroom
so they could "go with him"
he didn't emit alcohol vapors
from his mouth back then, his light brown
eyes weren't circled bruise blue
he asked "what was your name?"
i offered my first, he finished with my maiden
i offered him pinon nuts, he asked
what i was listening to--tori amos--who?
he stopped, grinned & said, "what color is it?"
"pink." "let me see." i pulled off my hat
he laughed, put his hands in my hair
and ruffled it, scattering all the thoughts
messing all the organization recently created

then and now
by t. zoEy benally

there was a time, clock hands pointed
at 2 hours and 23 minutes past midnight
black dew suspended, damp hands
caressed my cheeks & forehead
minutes when I would have followed you
through the stickiest mud puddles
with my best shoes on, crashed through
tumbleweed thickets in silk and polyester
I wonder if you even realized
the power that you wielded
sternum cracked open, rubbery heart
muscles pumping furiously
did you know, that they were all yours
every jumpy muscle thread
never have I been so close to total
destruction, voluntary annihilation
if you had just leaned forward
mist from your warm breath
would have been enough to send me flying
silver weather balloons
released to me, my weak forearms flooded
with lactic acid, mouth dry, sugar thirst

now mostly I am perplexed, not sure
whether I should wipe my brow in relief
having dodged a bullet, you unaware
that you had even pulled the trigger,
and sent down polished chambers
or whether I should feel the wet
cardboard weight, rejection stench
perhaps I am just a lucky mouse, fortunate
to live out my brown haired days
survivor who can relive the day she felt
the tabby’s claws retract, and a paw
batted a sparkly toy, pinball bounce
off bumpers, flippers flail, but missed
down the drain, into the hidden tunnel safety
I have descended, patchwork earth becomes clear
I see homes, cars, trees, I see the whites
of everyone’s eyes again; I see finger nail moons
and you have become a mere form letter
reply to all, blind courtesy copy
black Times New Roman 12 point font,
full justified, not italicized, not bold

100%
by t. zoEy benally

his feet don’t really match his personality
man poured into size eight running shoes
mother earth replica perched on a spindle
i am impressed at the engineering of his ankles

she loves the secrets that he shares with her
spores released, snuffled out, truffle hints
she smiles eagerly into his face, and nods
watches for crowd reaction to his revelations

he used to hang out by Turquoise, Hogback’s
other side, zigzagged south & north, scared
many tourists, a good boy taking his medicine
stumbled through the Kachina’s dark mouth

she found him out there, moisture and color
dried out of him, mineral crust stains
forgotten doll, she cleaned & oiled, folded him
into a sitting position, placed on her shelf

Navajo sabbatical years he chortled, laughed
until it made him cough, snot bubble threatened
from his nostril edge, and that’s the only thing that
makes him stop, research finally complete, not put off

be it known this day...
by t. zoEy benally

we do not support women going to school
and we reject anything an "educated" woman tells us
because everyone knows that addled brained "little women"
don't really know what they are talking about

we do not support women working outside the home
and we do not recognize any contribution
made by these women, and any donations
will be accepted only from what the man earns

we do not support men micro-waving their own dinners
and we will comment at every public forum on the wane,
sickly pallor that thin children have, and we will
praise mothers whose children wear husky

we do not support children learning to sort laundry
and we will loudly inform them that this is not right,
advising them that when we were children our mothers
never asked us to do any of these things--your mother is lazy

we do not support atheists that watch television on Sunday
and we know that these heathens will not reach the same zenith
that we will, because we do good things
just in case, Jesus or God is in disguise, watching

we do not support instant mashed potatoes or soy products
and we will make faces when served beans with no meat,
because our heritage is based on stew potatoes, potato salad
Bluebird flour frybread, and Don Juan Onate's roasted churro sheep

we proclaim these things by virtue of the power
vested in us as defenders of the family unit, as upholders
of truth, light and wisdom, and as those actively working
to promote harmony and happiness everywhere

air traffic, no control
by t. zoEy benally

conversation waves disrupted my lunch
tuna salad sandwich, torn from thick plastic
preservatives sprinkled and stirred to keep
mold, fungus and other spoilers in check

digital exchange beamed along sight lines
towers squint at tower flashes perched on hills
skeletal cyber gods, fierce chitchat balls hurled
binary games of catch across red sand valleys

she told him about her day and asked him
if he paid the bills? NTUA money order provider
purchased from a trading post not the same
another, containing a whole other tuna sandwich

ma-yazh says it was probably a fax sent
from Chinle to Salt Lake City that messed up
her pancreas and mutated the insulin
a contract for carnival sewage, cotton candy thieves

acid reflux, heard about it on television
esophagus erosion, gully eaten, sand drops away
dirt road oxbows, trail thrown wider and wider
but i know it's all the internet chat room traffic

he said they don't need line of sight anymore
satellite beams can bounce, sift through yucca
inner-space, Navajo model code grasshoppers along
grazing land, zero-one, yes-no, on-off, stick-circle, earth-sky

finally tomorrow
by t. zoEy benally

my friend...
has a Magic Eraser
wipes oil abandoned by former tenants
but i wonder--where?
does it all go?
matter never created nor destroyed
human grease morphs, atoms shift
someplace skids are waxed
algebraic units bounce across equal signs
negative signs hitched
on their hips
fat babies gurgling for milk
alchemy removes what harsh
chemicals and words
Bureau matron hen screech
"what's wrong with you?!?"
Indian left behind
Affairs rubbed away
spit on a thumb
microscopic ink rolled with epithelial cells
message expunged
from a brown-pink palm